Oh man! Oman.

That sh-t was too easy. I impress/embarrass myself.

Fine. An alternate title for those of you who are (judgy and) disappointed with my lack of wit: "Oman: The Middle Eastern Santorini." Even the air conditioning units affixed to the side of whitewashed, consciously fashioned buildings have a design element of latticework to hide the necessity of modern conventions. Lucky you, Zak, that you get booze, a car, scenery and public art. Oh, and baby Jesus frankincense gifts. Whatever.

Okay, enough about the title and on to what you vicarious travel junkies are here for. In my new year in Kuwait, I made plans to travel even before the first month was over. Why not? I am in possession of my passport, right? So let’s use that bad boy like a bus driver in Kuwait uses the gas pedal… with reckless, carefree abandon. 

But first: Duty-Free for two bottles of Prosecco at the airport in Oman, which should be in contention with Sky Harbor for the title of "America's Friendliest Airport." Getting my visa when I arrived was more enjoyable than ordering a SonicBlast Friday night at 10:59 p.m.; it was all ear-to-ear smiles from the agent querying a familiar series of questions: "Are you really a teacher?" Yesh. "Why did you pick Kuwait?" Uhhh. "Did you use the Google to research?" Merp.

Day 1: Outdoor Adventure Time

If I wasn't clear about Kuwait's lack of geographic features to hike, climb, or swim in, (plus, it’s just not enjoyable breathing outdoors), let me reiterate. It's pretty much an arid desert in this once lush Mesopotamian region (a long, long time ago). Oman, however, has water, which creates wadis literally everywhere. Wadis might be the equivalent of an Arizona wash: the bed of a stream that is dry except when it rains, and then an oasis emerges to help wet your parched, desiccated mouth, keeping you from involuntarily ingesting too much Kuwaiti desert dust.

Stop 1: Wadi Shab

Zak prepped me for a 2 rial, 5-minute, treacherous boat ride across the pond. The experience turned out to be 2 minutes of me trying to decide if the other passengers on the ferry were British or Australian. This thing become desperately important when trying to distract myself from thoughts of falling into the 8-foot deep stale, static pool of water. Of course, on the way back, we watched several young men plunge right into the water and swim-walk their way across, so maybe I was overreacting?

After we hiked 45 minutes deep into the Wadi Shab and swam in the natural pools, we had to make an important decision: whether or not to continue into the abyss across a slim rock bridge held up by wooden supports over a steep drop into the canyon. I am no Alex Hannold, so we passed. However, I did get to hike in my cheeky bikini (which would and could never happen in Kuwait) for the win.

Stop 2: Disappointing Bimmah Second-rate Sink Hole

This excursion was basically a miscarriage of Tripadvisor planning on my part. (Zak, we even now for the puddle). The pictures led me to believe that I could frolic in an arresting, unaltered natural sinkhole and take Instagram-worthy pictures using the drone I could have purchased at Duty-Free. Naw. Cool staircase, though.

Day 2: City Seeing

After a stay at a hotel chosen solely for the infinity edge rooftop pool (views, views, views) and the quality of service that comes with being a Hilton Gold Member (hahaaaa :P), we explored the city like the exemplary tourists we were.

Stop 1: Sultan Qaboos Grand Mosque

Picturesque and boasts one of the world's largest handwoven Iranian carpets. Def didn't let me walk on it. Not surprising given my track record for keeping nice things nice.

Stop 2: Al Alam Palace

Uniformed men with big ol' guns who are not pictured because the sign explicitly warned us not to take photographs "welcomed" us to the outside of the gate of this over 200-year old palace sandwiched between two 16th century Portuguese forts: Mirani fort and Jalali fort. Not a bad place to mind your manners... We left promptly.

Honorable Mention: No pictures, but The Royal Opera House is another example of real culture and art in Oman. Yes, I will be going back for a live opera performance and hopefully to souvenir shop at the Souk which we just missed because Zak has a car and we could go anywhere at anytime. No waiting for the #66 bus or braving a Careem. Apparently, there are shops that sell WWII era compasses. Guess what you're getting for your birthday, Will Reimers?

last call on Islamic New Year from the Crowne Plaza